Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize