Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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