Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The Olympian is in my bed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
