Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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