I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
