is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
