Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
