In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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