You smell like stripper and shame
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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