So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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