My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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