Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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