you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
