I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
