why didn't you poke me back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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