Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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