O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
