But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
