I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
