phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
