Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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