I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
