Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
