I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
