it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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