I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need water and some morals
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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