whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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