does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
