you didnt know i had herpes?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
