Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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