uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
