The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
