Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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