why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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