i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
