just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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