Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
