I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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