yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
