Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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