Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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