She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
