Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
