I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
