Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
