i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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