I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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