I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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