Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
