$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
