I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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