PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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