the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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