Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
