Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
