Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
