everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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