I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
