I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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