Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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