It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
