Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
