My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
