seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I met the friendliest cop last night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
