What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
