your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
