I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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