Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
