My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ugly people sure do ruin things
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
