Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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