Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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