no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
