Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Farmville is her only friend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
