Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
