The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
