last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
