Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
