im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
